I’ve been ATTACKED!!

I was attacked!!

The other night I was chosen and sought after and attacked! Imagine, I was sitting on the floor leaning up against a wall in a circle with my team having a very serious Jesus talk. Then I heard what sounded like a massive helicopter buzzing around. Didn’t think much about it until a large black object blocked the light for a little bit and was moving at top speeds towards me. Now what transpired next had to be told to me because somewhere between the WWII blimp crash landing near me and my narrow escape to higher ground I blanked out. All I remember was reacting REASONABLY and moving from the crash zone and relocating to a bench at the other end of the mess hall. I remember once I was safe and came back to myself one of my friends asked what it was that flew at me. To which I responded, “a bird, a flying rat, how the heck should I know I wasn’t about to stick around and find out in the potential danger zone!”

My friend Dana BROKE a brand-new broom trying to kill this invader, I’m told. Our security guard sure seemed to have a difficult time extracting the enemy. Then he proceeded to drag the body of the largest beetle I’ve ever seen to my side of the room to step on it. I’m not certain Hollywood could recreate that crunch that could be heard from all of Nicaragua. I wish I had a picture of how large this thing is, but as you can imagine as a fresh victim, I couldn’t get close enough to take a picture. However, if you google Ripley’s Believe or Not, largest beetle to have EVER lived you might be close to what I have experienced. In the meantime, I’ll just describe it. It was a big as rat with the wingspan of an eagle, and I’m being conservative in my calculations.

Only after I collected my journal and pen from across the floor and gathered my wits, did my team and I start comparing stories. I remembered sitting on one side of the room and then standing on top of bench on the other end. Dana seems to think upon the crash I landed in her lap on my way tackle Savanna down to the floor on the way to the table. And once they said it a memory came back of me lying on top of Savanna for a split second on my NARROW escape while I made like a track runner coming out of blocks and flew to safety. It’s not my fault their survival instincts are not as fast as mine, that’s all I’m saying.

Why am I blogging about my near fatal experience with a Nicaraguan beetle the size of a Mac Truck? After the incident I couldn’t get back to the serious and very good vibe we had before asking God where our worth comes from. Such a good question and worthy of the prayer and discussion afterwards, and I could not get a hold of myself. Throughout, the night I would wake up to the memory of me lying on top of Savanna and start giggling all over again. The same thing kept happening while I was painting the host’s kitchen. I’m sure Lupa, their housekeeper, thought I was nuts because it wasn’t a chuckle here and there it was a full-on uncontrollable whole-body giggle. I would see Savanna and start all over again. I couldn’t stop my reaction to remembering this moment.

As I was painting in a house that has been mourning our host’s father-in-law for the last week, I am reminded of my times of mourning. After my friend Alycia passed away my sophomore year of high school, I still never know which car crash or story will affect me. When my Grandma Nungie died last year, I remember thinking I grieved well and way better than my immature self-did with Alycia. Yet a few months after Nungie died while I was working at Home Depot I was restocking and an older woman I saw was wearing a shirt that my Nungie would have worn and I was caught in an uncontrollable reaction. The most recent was when I was sharing my testimony and I couldn’t stop the tears and I didn’t even know which part or where they were coming from. After sharing my story, Dana (who I briefly climbed in her lap on my way to escape) gave me a good word.

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“Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. 

Those who go out weeping carrying seed to sow, 

will return with songs of joy, 

carrying sheaves with them.” Psalm 126:5-6

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As I observed this family mourn in a house I am passively working, I’m reminded of the tears I felt helpless from shedding. I am reminded of the age old saying that grief is like the ocean, and it comes in waves. It is so true if you have ever experienced grief. BUT it is also true of humor, laughter, and joy!! I wondered how can two emotions that seem so extremely different share so many similar characteristics. In Psalm 126 before verse 5-6, David speaks of great things and songs of joy filled with laughter!!

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“Our mouths were filled with laughter, 

our tongues with songs of joy. 

Then it was said among the nations,

 “The Lord has done great things for them.” 

The Lord has done great things for us, 

and we are filled with joy.” Psalm 126:2-3

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These are not separate experiences meant to stay segregated within our minds, but they are of the same thought. Our mouths are filled with laughter and tongues with songs of joy and our eyes fill with tears. Cherish both uncontrollable reactions. Only when we try to control them and not allow for the very natural flow of emotion to live through us do they become stale and even poisonous as we try to hold and steal them for ourselves. LAUGH when you feel the laughter. CRY when you feel the tears. We are not governed by these reactions, but life is so beautiful when these are lived well. We share stories of humor because we love to share and quick to share stories that make others laugh. Sometimes when sharing those sad stories, we feel responsible for bringing the mood down. Advice from Psalm 126 it is good and healthy to share all the stories so when we do cry, laughter is not far behind. The tears make the songs of joy so much richer and beautiful. In grief is laughter and in tears is growth. It would be a shame to limit either.