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I Do Believe

In Ciudad Darío, Nicaragua as I was reading through Mark while I’m continuing my journey through the gospels I stumbled, more like tripped and fell on my face on this story of a desperate father begging for the freedom of his son in Mark 9. While Jesus and His closest disciples were coming down from a high mountain talking with the deceased prophets Moses and Elijah (that’s a great story you should read and listen to the many sermons later), His other disciples have failed to help this desperately persistent father. Luke also recounts this same story except it is much shorter and in its haste you only see Jesus’ rebuke of the disciples and miss the richness of the conversation with this father. Mark paints this story of an exhausted father willing to do anything for his son’s sake. Who knows how far he walked watching his son suffer. Or how long he waited for Jesus while watching the disciples of the great demon casting Messiah fail over and over again. They failed enough to draw a crowd as they attempted to drive this demon away from a boy suffering since childhood. Something that these men have been doing in Jesus’ name all over the place. Jesus comes down to a crowd witnessing this exhausted, desperate man and his mute son’s last hope dwindling in the unbelief of a group cultivated by the fear that time and demons can team up to be bigger and stronger than the Son of God. The father knows who Jesus is and addresses him with all the gumption of a father beyond fear and social etiquette to enter the determined protection only parents can access for their children. The father starts to beg Jesus. You only beg someone to do something that you know they can do!


“‘…But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.’

‘If you can?’ said Jesus. ‘Everything is possible for the one who believes.’

Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed,

 ‘I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief.’”

 -Mark 9:22-24 NIV


 

To me the actions this father has physically, spiritually, and mentally endured up to this moment recorded forever in history are acts of a man that believes. Even still I understand this last sentiment “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief.” I’m not an ordained pastor wise and tested in classes of theology so always take my words to the one I believe gives me the prompts from which to write. In my experience and through the validation of this fathers words I’ve come to understand that there can be unbelief in belief. It’s not something I am aware of until God questions my belief as Jesus questioned a father with a suffering son. It is understanding there are layers upon levels of belief. The level of belief that God will heal your head cold is not the same level that God can heal your child’s demon possession when many are tormented by the same curable ailment by the one who asks for this very belief. In this extreme example I found where my belief meets my unbelief, $18,700. 

It is always interesting to me that I can confidently carry the belief that God will help and save the world from itself yet believing God will provide almost $20,000 dollares just for me is TOO big. Sometimes belief is easier to have in reference to God moving mountains than Him moving a pebble in my personal life. While sitting at my favorite step outside the classroom of our ministry in Nicaragua God revealed my unbelief born of generations of stubborn pride that He will provide fully for this journey He called me to. 

I was at a loss of how or even when I can continue to raise this money. The first wave of fundraising I thought I did so fully with the belief that God will provide, but afterwards it felt like a marathon my family, friends, and I needed to recover from with a resolved feeling of the rest. Then Mark wove Jesus all over my heart and mind for this issue knowing it was a lesson I was learning to be faithful with something small for the bigger later. At the end of Mark’s story the disciples ask Jesus why they couldn’t cast out the demon tormenting the boy. 


“He replied, ‘This kind can come out only by prayer.”(v29)


 

 In a Bridgetown Church podcast the pastor talked about belief and that it really is to rest in the trust and faith that God is God. So I prayed that day in Nicaragua with my amazing team that God will fully fund me without my money for the rest of the trip. Then I rested in that truth. 

Jump to the next month in Medellin, Colombia. A month filled with such beautiful worship and prayer to combat the heavy darkness that lurks in that town. I still am processing all the kingdom level of experience and worship I witnessed in this ministry, yet God still wanted to talk to me about my finances. So much so, He woke me up at 2:30 in the morning when my team was asleep to make a last post on facebook. Something I have been apprehensive to do because it felt futile, that facebook was tired of me asking for anything. Yet I did it. I’ve learned that obedience to God is important and definitely more important than my preconceived assumption of how my friends and family will think of me. I climbed back to my top bunk of three beds without a ladder and under my covers only for God to ask me to clobber back down and climb up the dark and scary unfinished stairwell to the roof. If you know me then you know how much I DO NOT LIKE THE DARK. But obedience to God is more important than my fear of darkness. I got up to the roof, okay I ran up there, and leaned against the ledge overlooking the city lights waiting for something good from a God who knows me better than anybody to know my strong dislike for darkness and potential Boogie Men attack at every dark corner. And you know what He said? 


“Thank you my daughter, now you can rest.”


 

As of yesterday, the last day to be fully funded, I traveled to a coffee shop to check my account. 83% is approximately $15,500 out of the $18,700 needed to travel for 11 months to 11 different countries, and it has been at about 80% since Nicaragua. God is still faithful and I still needed to inquire about a check that I didn’t know the amount or where it was coming from. After 2 hours of emailing back and forth I got confirmation that I was fully and over funded in Quito, Ecuador! 

I was asked by my friends if I cried or jumped up and down with excitement. Strangely, I just accepted it. Than God reminded me of Mark 9:24:


“I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief.”


 

In Ciudad Darío, Nicaragua God revealed that in my belief I had unbelief. Medellin, Colombia I showed both God and myself that I believe enough to obey beyond my understanding. In Ecuador I rested in belief that my God will and now I know has provided. 


I do believe; thank you for helping me with unbelief.


 

I want to thank all who have been faithful and obedient to God and helping fund this journey I am still amazed I am on. I feel your prayers in the safety of our teams and fruit in every conversation and prayer we are able to have all over South America. We as the whole body of Christ are contributing to heaven being more populated with Spanish worship. 

2 Comments

  1. Wow thanks for reading and I totally agree that we need to know where the provision comes from.

  2. What a powerful story of your journey into trusting God! Also, it’s a very practical modern day example of how our unbelief hides. For each of us, it takes time to first hear what God says, then little by little step out in faith, and as we obey, like you did, we are rewarded with REST AND provision! God indeed provides for us, but He wants us to know that’s where it comes from, not just our own efforts.

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